Changes
by wateriswide
Summary: Spoilers for the series finale, "Futuritis", and the rest of season 4! Where the series left off. Dasey.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Changes (Part 1/2)  
Rating: PG-13 - R (language, suggestive situations including stepsiblings, nothing graphic)  
Summary: Where "Futuritis" left off.  
Disclaimer: Life With Derek sadly enough doesn't belong to me, sorry.  
Author's note: **SPOILERS FOR THE SERIES FINALE AND THE END OF SEASON 4 OF LIFE WITH DEREK.**

I haven't abandoned my 50ficlets yet, I just need to type some of them up and they'll hopefully also be posted soon. Oh, the joys of finals, by the way.  
Special thanks to jesterdalafordasey over at YouTube for uploading the episodes. I would not have been able to watch this without her!  
This was written in kind of a rush, and I'll probably hate it in the morning, but here it is. While I love the last few minutes of the season finale, I don't especially like how certain other things turned out. Here's my take on how to remedy it. Pretty sure most things are according to canon, but let me know.  
Also (I know, almost done), I don't go to university in Canada, so some of the facts might be...off. Feel free to educate me!

---

Casey plans for the worst possible situations. She couldn't have prepared herself for this.

Here's the situation: One dorm room, six other family members, and one uncomfortable looking roommate edging her way out the door. In other words, goodbye.

"Oh, _Casey_," says her mother, looking at her with a mixture of pride and sadness and fear and some sort of 'oh God don't cry too hard'. That gets everyone started, and soon Casey doesn't even know who she's hugging, only that the entire family is surrounding her and Derek and she can't breathe for more than one reason. Her eyes are filling with tears and she really can't believe it's come to this. She briefly wonders how hard it would be to transfer to university back in London, but then she hears someone say, "We're so proud of you."

She's doing this. She's really doing this.

The rest of the goodbye is a blur (not only because her vision's blurry) and she somehow finds herself standing alone in her dorm room with Derek. They take a second to glance at each other. She's never felt so terrified and lonely in her life.

"What now?" she asks him.

She expects him to say something about checking out the other girls on the floor, portraying himself as the sweet, sensitive stepbrother of one Casey McDonald and he would be around if any of them needed anything. But he shrugs, and says, "Lunch?"

Everything was changing.

---

Well, not everything.

Casey talks for two hours to her family before she goes to bed that night. The tears come again, and she hasn't cried this hard since Truman cheated on her (even though he's such a different person now, she reminds herself). But then, when she hangs up, there's complete, utter silence. She lies on her bed, dressed in her most comfortable pajamas and tries to fall asleep, but it just won't come. She calls the only person she can think of.

"Trouble already?" Derek mumbles, his voice slightly incoherent. She looks at her clock. 3 AM. Whoops.

"I can't fall asleep," she says, trying her hardest not to sound too pathetic.

"Not my problem."

"_Der-ek_." She hears him sigh.

"I can't cure insomnia, Spacey. Maybe _after_ I get a degree."

"Derek..." She trails off, and rolls over onto her side, curling up and holding her knees protectively to her chest. "I...I really need someone that I know here right now. Can you come over?" She hates it when her voice is that small.

There's a second of silence. "No," he says. "It's 3 AM, Case. Just because you can't fall asleep doesn't mean that the rest of us are having any trouble."

"How can you sleep? Don't you miss them? I thought you weren't ever going to let go of Marti earlier today. How can you forget all that?" There's silence on the other end. "Just...can you just stay on the phone with me? Just for a little while?"

"Isn't this what you have a boyfriend for?"

"Derek."

"...Five minutes."

---

(Lots of people thought he was heartless, but here's the thing: if he had gone over that night, she would've wanted him over the next night, and the night after that, and she never would've adjusted. Also, he's pretty sure that even if she had, he wouldn't have been able to leave.)

---

The next day is easily one of the worst days of Casey's life. She doesn't fit in with anyone and doesn't have anyone to eat dinner with. She glances out of the corner of her eye as she picks at her ravioli and sees Derek walking in with a bunch of tough looking guys and simpering girls. Great. Just like high school.

She throws away the rest of her food and leaves before he can see her.

---

Things get a little better. She calls Truman and he makes her laugh (not Emily so much anymore. Not after the past summer, at least). Her roommate, Rebecca, happens to be majoring in women's studies and Casey finally has someone to connect to. Together, they form a small but tight group of friends that she can talk to about some things. Most things. They think Truman is adorable and can't wait to meet him. She shows them pictures of her family and one girl in the group, Jen, says, "Who's _that_ hottie?" when she sees Derek.

Casey snatches the picture back. "My disgusting stepbrother," she says. "Trust me. You do _not_ want to meet him."

"Another egotistical spawn of the patriarchal society?" Rebecca comments.

"Aptly described."

She doesn't mention that he goes here. She still sees him almost every day. They don't have classes together, but somehow, their paths cross. They chat and catch up really quickly, and sometimes he steals her books and she has to run around campus trying to tackle him, but she's trying out this whole life away from home thing and isn't trying to depend on him too much. At least, not after her pathetic phone call to him the first night.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but you let me know when he's coming to visit," Jen says, winking at Casey.

Casey doesn't like Jen, she realizes when she goes back to her room with Rebecca. She can't quite put her finger on it, but she definitely doesn't like her.

---

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Derek, but I've got midterms, and--"

"Who said I even _wanted_ you at my first hockey game?"

Three years ago, that might have hurt her, but now she can hear the twinge of bitterness in his voice. "You know I would be there if I could, but I've just got so much to do. You understand, right?"

"Whatever. Go study."

"Der--"

"There'll be other games, Case."

"Yeah, but..."

"Gotta go." Dial tone.

---

She wishes she could have taken a picture of his face and how it lit up when he looked up in the stands and saw her sitting there, a sign proclaiming her support and everything. She smiles back and gives him a thumbs up. When he's not on the ice, she's furiously studying her notecards (The Casey Condensation Method, which she should really get patented so _no one else steals it_, works just as well in college. There's just quite a bit more to condense). When he's on the ice, she cheers along with the rest of the crowd, even though she doesn't really know what's going on.

A guy sitting a few rows behind her joins her. They start chatting it up and she forgets her notecards for a second, because he's really nice and is pointing out the finer intricacies of the game to her.

Derek looks up and sees her with him, and his eyes narrow. He loses some of the glow he had earlier. After the game, the guy, Jake, asks her out. She says no. They do make plans to see the next game together (not _together_, she makes it quite clear – after Noel, she's constantly making that clear).

(When he asks her out, the first face that pops in her head is a dejected looking Derek. It isn't until later that she remembers Truman. That's not cheating, though. Not like he did. Right?)

She waits for Derek after Jake leaves. He pretends not to see her and brushes right past, but she grabs his wrist.

"Oh, sorry, Spacey, didn't see you there," he says, trying to keep his voice light. She knows he's mad.

"You just _won_, why are you so mad?"

"What, you want a gigantic thank you for showing up? Because _I never asked you to_."

"Just because you didn't _ask_ me doesn't mean you didn't _want_ me here."

By now they're tucked into a dark hallway, a little bit apart from the rest of the crowd. "Well, was it too much to ask that if you were here, you could actually pay attention to _me_ instead of some deadbeat that goes to games just to pick up girls?"

"Oh, what, you think you deserve my unwavering attention for an entire hockey game? I guess it should be expected from someone who thinks he deserves an entire _holiday_ devoted to him."

"This isn't about what I _deserve_, it's about what I _want_."

And there he is, invading her personal space. She can feel his breath on her upper lip, still cold from the arena. His proximity is making her skin warm up a lot faster than normal, though, and even though part of her wants to turn away, she stands her ground, glaring at him.

His eyes flicker down to her lips, and he starts to take a half a step closer, but she says bitterly, "I know all about what you _want_," and steps away from him.

She reenters the chaos that is the lobby of the arena and manages to escape out the front door and into the night before he can grab her wrist. She doesn't turn around, but she can feel him glaring after her.

Yeah. Changes.

---

They don't talk for three days. Emily calls her, in tears, and she learns that he dumped her. Over the phone. She feels a wave of anger wash over her. "There's some other girl, I _know_ there is!" Emily wails. "I thought we could do long distance! What changed?"

"Things just change, Em," Casey tells her. "Tell me there's not even one guy on your entire campus that you've thought about dating."

Emily sniffles. "Only three."

They exchange a giggle and suddenly, something tries to click back into place. It's not quite the same as it was pre-Derek, but at least they were on speaking terms again.

"Em," Casey asks before they hang up, "what makes you think there's some other girl?"

"Because," she says. "It's _Derek_."

"Oh. Right."

---

They run into each other on campus. He's looking down and trying to avoid her, but she grabs him anyway. "Hey," she says as a way of an apology.

"Hey." Acceptance.

"I heard. Emily called me. You OK?"

He frowns a bit. "_I_ dumped _her_."

"Yeah, but...still, don't you feel _something_?"

"I never feel anything," he says automatically.

"_Der-ek_."

"Gotta go, class," he says, escaping her grasp. "I've got a cute blonde to steal notes from."

"So there is another girl?" she calls after him, accusingly.

He turns back, and his eyes are closed in frustration. "I didn't cheat on Emily. I don't cheat on _anyone_," he says. She believes him. She can tell when he's lying now. "Not like Truman cheated on you."

Her eyes flash. That was something that they Did Not Talk About. She shoves him so hard that he nearly topples over, and stalks off.

Right before he gets out of earshot, she yells back, "For someone who tried so hard to get us back together, you sure can hold a grudge!"

"For someone who claims to have so much self-respect, you sure are dating an asshole!" he yells back. Her eyes narrow.

They don't talk for weeks.

---

She hates when she's wrong, but even more so, she hates when he's right.

---

She's with Jake when it happens. They're watching a movie together in her dorm (Rebecca's home for the weekend, and a few people were over earlier, but they've all left. She would ask Jake to leave, but something about him is comforting to her, so he stays.), and it's around one AM when her phone rings.

"Truman," she says, and answers it. Jake smiles and turns to give her a little privacy. She knows he still kind of likes her, but he's at least content to be friends with her without expecting anything more.

The voice on the other line? It definitely isn't Truman.

"Casey?" says a giggling voice. A female voice.

She freezes. "Is Truman there?"

"He left," she says. Her words are slurring together and, oh God, oh God no... "I just think it's _so cool_ how you two have an open relationship, you know? Not a lot of girls would agree to that."

"Open..." Casey's throat clenches up. The tears come again.

"Sandra? Sandra, what're you doing with..." A male voice. More giggling. This time it's definitely Truman. "What? Who're you...Casey?"

His voice turns more frantic. "Casey, I can explain. No, listen to me, it's not what you--"

Click.

Her phone drops in her lap. She fell for it. Every damn bit of it. Again.

"Casey? Case, what's wrong?" Jake asks, concerned. He tries to brush the tears away from her face, but she swats his hands away.

"Don't call me Case," she says, her voice cracking. "I need to go."

Jake calls after her, trying to figure out what was wrong, but she runs through the night air until he's long behind her. She ends up in front of Derek's dorm, although she doesn't know if she meant to be there or not.

She charges in with a group of students just getting back in past security and before she knows it, her knuckles are almost bleeding from knocking on his door so hard.

"I know you're in there, Derek, open up!" she yells.

The door flies open, and his roommate stands there with wide eyes. "He's not here," he says, his voice nervous.

"Well, where is he, then?!" she asks, her voice an octave higher than usual.

"He was with some girl, I think they went back to her place..." he says, trailing off. He winces, as if expecting her to attack him.

She pauses, and, her breathing slows slightly. Something inside of her drops into her stomach. She suddenly felt completely alone.

"Just tell him I came by," she says, her voice calmer. The roommate nods. "Hey," she adds, before he shuts the door. "Did he ever...did he ever have any girls here before a few weeks ago? Or go to any other girl's places? You know..." she trails off.

Roommate shakes his head. "No, he had that girlfriend...Emily? He seemed pretty, you know, dedicated to her, as far as I know."

She nods. The tears threaten to overflow again, so she quickly says, "Sorry for disturbing you!" and leaves.

She doesn't get much farther than the door outside of his building when she collapses on a bench, pulling her knees to her chest and trying to hide from the rest of the world.

---

"_Casey_!"

She wakes up to Derek shoving her. She blinks. It's still dark out, but there's enough light to show on his face that he is fucking terrified.

"Der..." she whispers, trying to get adjusted to her surroundings. She feels her back hurt, and she tries to stretch. Oh, right. Bench.

"Jesus, Casey," he says, helping her sit up. He immediately sits on the other side of the bench. "Are you OK?"

She blinks, then feels the back of her head. Ow. "Yeah."

"Then what the _fuck_ were you _thinking_?!"

She looks at him, confused. "Wait, what?"

"I get a call from Kevin (Kevin? Oh right, the roommate. Derek's roommate. Oh, no, it's all coming back...) saying that you were banging on our door ready to fucking _kill_ someone, and then you just got all creepy and calm and just _left_. I looked _everywhere_ for you, I went to your place, and I called you a million times, and Rebecca and Jen and I even called _Jake_ (he says the name with disgust), and just when I think you've finally gone and jumped off a bridge, you're lying on a bench in the middle of fucking _November_! Were you _trying_ to kill yourself? _Jesus, Casey_!"

This is a new one. She's seen him angry, depressed, happy, anxious, and every other emotion she could name. She's seen him scared, but only once or twice. This is way beyond scared.

Oh, wait. _Truman_.

"You were right," she says simply.

OK, make that way beyond scared now mixed with a healthy dose of confused. He's so confused that his jaw drops a little bit and he's not even the slightest bit ecstatic that she, for the first time _ever_, said that he's right.

"Truman's an asshole. Once a cheater, always a cheater, right?" Realization starts to cross his features, and it quickly turns to anger. "I mean, of course you were right, right? Because far be it for Casey to choose a guy that _isn't_ a piece of crap. So, Venturi, you were right, and I came over here to tell you that, because...because...God, I don't know why, but there you go, I've told you, and now you can gloat about it right in my face that you were right and I'm completely alone, again! Go on, Venturi!" She doesn't know where she found the strength for this little rant, because she's so completely exhausted, but just looking at his face made her feel angry.

"Casey."

"No, go on! Tell me that I'm such a stupid idiot for taking him back! I mean, what changed from the first time? He didn't change. He gave me a stupid little sob story at prom that I took hook, line, and sinker, and even though you said that you wanted us to get back together, even for more than just wanting to spend prom with Emily, and where the _hell_ did _that_ come from, anyway?, you knew the _whole time_ that it was a big mistake. And you let me make it, anyway! What, did you _want _me to end up heartbroken on some bench in the middle of November?"

"_Casey_."

She sniffs a little bit, and even though her heart's broken, looking at him breaks it a little more. He looks like shit, complete and total shit.

"Come on, I'll take you home."

"You'll take me to my dorm, you mean."

He looks at her and she bites her lip. "Come on."

He half carries her back. They walk in silence and pass by people who are out too late. She closes her eyes for just a second and lets him lead her, and before she knows it, she's back in her room, and Derek's laying her on her bed.

"My phone," she gestures, pointing to the ground where she had left it. He picks it up and hands it to her. Twenty-seven missed calls from Derek. Six from Jake. Two from Truman.

"You can ignore the voice mails I left you," he says, suddenly embarrassed. "I was...kind of..."

He can't say it, but she already knows.

"Would you think I was lame and pathetic if I asked you to stay over?" she asks. "I just need...family right now."

He blinks. "Yeah," he says, taking off his coat and starting to lie down on the floor. "Toss me a pillow?"

"Yeah," she says. Seconds pass. "I don't blame you."

Silence. "We'll kill him tomorrow," he offers. She lets out a giggle, and she can almost feel him smiling in response in the darkness. "I'm serious. We're just going to grab the Prince and drive the fifteen hours to Halifax and we'll murder him."

"And then make a narrow yet dashing escape?" she asks.

"Of course," he says. "In style, too."

"And then we'll have to go on the run?"

"Yeah, definitely. We'll have to ditch the Prince because the police'll be tracking it, but we'll hitchhike our way around the country. Maybe go all the way down to South America. How's your Spanish?"

She can't answer because she's laughing too hard. He joins her and they stay like that for awhile until the laughter dies down.

"Der?"

"Yeah, Case?"

"Fight over?"

"Fight over."

"Good."

Silence.

"Case?"

"Yeah?"

"I honest to God wouldn't want to hitchhike to South America with anyone but you. And Truman's an idiot."

"...Thanks."

"...Yeah."

That was when things really started to change.

---

(Here's the other thing: lots of people think he's mean to Casey, and he guesses he does cross the line once in awhile, but the thing is, he's the one there when her whole world comes crashing down on her. Now, knowing Casey, this happens at least three times a day to the little drama queen, but when things get really bad? He's there. Every single time.)


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Changes (Part 2/?)  
Rating: PG-13 - R (language, suggestive situations including stepsiblings, nothing graphic)  
Summary: Where "Futuritis" left off.  
Disclaimer: Life With Derek sadly enough doesn't belong to me, sorry.  
Author's note: **SPOILERS FOR THE SERIES FINALE AND THE END OF SEASON 4 OF LIFE WITH DEREK.**

NOTE TO SELF: Don't start multi-chapter stories with busy life things going on. Ughh.  
This was meant to be two parts, but...well, not anymore.

---

It turns out that Casey without Truman (or, just "Casey") is a lot more lively than Casey with Truman. It takes her a couple days, but then she's back studying more fervently than ever, and she joins about sixteen different student organizations. She's laughing more often and, you know what? University isn't that bad.

And, yeah, she notices the way Jake's eyes light up just a little when she tells him about Truman (she's not _completely_ clueless), but he instead hugs her and asks her if she's OK.

She needs that, sometimes.

---

There's nothing like a roommate's boyfriend to remind you how little privacy you actually have in a university dorm.

Rebecca meets Luke at a meeting of Feminist Club. He's a vegetarian environmentalist who happens to find feminism insanely sexy, and not in a pretending-to-be-a-feminist-but-is-actually-a-total-misogynist-_Derek_ way. Unfortunately, although Luke is a decent guy, and Casey appreciates his views on a great number of things, he doesn't come over at all hours of the day and night (Casey still isn't sure how he manages to sneak past security all the time) to debate world issues with her. And, as Casey finds out soon enough, he and Rebecca are both quite..._comfortable_ with their sexuality. Multiple times a day.

It was one thing to walk in on them having sex (count: four times), but it was another thing for them to start having sex _when she was already in the room_ (count: once, and hopefully never, ever again). Luckily, the university library was open twenty four hours a day, and Casey's involvement with other activities made her busy enough.

And part of her wants to be a little jealous of the times that they lay quietly on Rebecca's bed, studying and cuddling, because she had that once. She snaps out of it quickly, though, and rushes off to do one of the trillions of things on her To-Do list, and doesn't want to think about what it would be like if she actually gave herself a chance to think about it.

---

There's a flood in the library. It destroys a lot of the foundation and, according to the sign in front of it that Casey was currently looking upon in horror, the date for reopening is To Be Determined.

She doesn't know how long she stood there, because the library was her _sanctuary_. It was the only place she could go whenever she wanted and not have to deal with roommate sex or five hour long car drives back home.

She is shaken out of her stupor by someone putting their arm around her shoulder. She doesn't even have to turn around to know who it is. "You know, if you stand there long enough, the birds are going to start building nests in your hair. Not that it wouldn't be an improvement." She feels fingers play with a few loose strands.

"Der-ek!" she says, but she's still too shocked to push his arm off. "The library flooded."

"We have a _library_?" he asks, squinting at the building in front of them. "I was wondering what this place was. Huh."

"Now I have nowhere to go," Casey says wistfully. "Luke's over even more now, and I can't go to any of my friends' places because they all want to _talk_ during Casey Study Time."

"How dare they," Derek says sarcastically.

"This is _serious_," she says, glaring at him. "I have a presentation tomorrow and I need to go over everything, and I need a quiet and relaxing atmosphere to--"

"To calm you down when you become a neurotic mess?"

"I guess I could call Jake, he's living in a single," she says, pulling out her cell phone.

"Hey, Case," Derek says hurriedly, putting his free hand over the phone so she couldn't dial it. "This is going to sound unusually..._nice_, coming from me, but you do have other options."

There's a slight pause, and then Casey starts laughing. "What, at _your_ place?"

"What? It's clean and everything!" he says, slightly offended.

"I don't think that any place where Derek Venturi lives lends itself to a studying atmosphere," she says.

He frowns. "It's...wait, what? Whatever. You come to my place, and you can be _guaranteed_ that I won't talk to you, and then maybe next time you talk to my dad, you can maybe mention that I need a little bit of extra money this month?" He grins with the most charm she's ever seen on him, and she rolls her eyes.

"Figures," she says. "Forget it, D. Figure out a way to_ earn_ your own dating money."

"Fine, I'll do that while you fail your presentation tomorrow because you have to listen to _Luke _and _Rebecca_ and--" He starts making crude sex noises that make Casey shudder.

She really, really hates it when he does that, because he knows that the next words out of her mouth are, "Fine. You win."

"As always." He claps his hands together, and she fights a small smile from growing on her face.

His room is actually slightly clean, and he shoves some stuff off of his desk for her to work before he promptly falls asleep. Her slightly annoyed, "_Really_, Derek? It's only 3 PM!" goes unheard (or just ignored), and his heavy breathing actually helps her concentrate a little (not that she would ever admit it).

She's only interrupted once, by Roommate Kevin coming back. He looks a bit scared at first, then his mouth falls in an awkward smile as he asks her how she's doing, you know, after that freakout she had the other night?

"Hey, man," Derek mumbles from his bed, his tone of voice suggesting a warning. Kevin shuts his mouth.

"And here I thought nothing could wake him up," Casey says to try to lighten the conversation. Kevin laughs forcefully and then quickly thinks of some excuse, and he leaves the room mentioning the name "Natalie" under his breath.

She works studiously until 10:30 when she declares her presentation perfection. She quietly gathers her things and opens the door to leave, when Derek says incoherently, "'Member to call my dad."

"First thing in the morning," she says.

(She does, too, and whatever the hell she said works, because Derek opens his mailbox a few days later to find a check for a hundred dollars. When he asks Casey how she did it, she kind of gives him this _grin_, like she's got the biggest secret in the world and she _could_ tell him, but she _just doesn't want to_. It's kind of...on second thought, he doesn't want to finish that sentence.)

---

Without really realizing it, she ends up at his place more and more often. (The library was closed, and she needed someplace to study, so it was OK. Right?) Sometimes he leaves and she can work alone, and sometimes he stays and sleeps, and sometimes he stays and annoys her.

...OK. He _usually_ stays and annoys her. He pokes her and steals random pages from her binder until she finally gives in and shrieks, "_Der-ek_!" Then he laughs and stops bugging her for a grand total of an hour before he starts it up again.

It reminds her of home a little bit, because there's something so familiar about it all, but it's different, too. Because normally she would avoid him for a few days, but now? Now she keeps coming back, and he keeps letting her in.

When the library reopens three weeks later, neither one of them mentions it.

---

They go to a party together (wait, no, not _together_. They show up at the same time, sure, and they're talking, but the word 'together' implies something that she's not really ready to think about yet, or ever). They go over by Rebecca, Luke, and Jen, and it's only nine and Jen's already completely wasted. Casey quietly sips some wine from a Thermos she brought (it's good for the antioxidants, and there's no way she's trusting anything these clearly unsanitary hosts are serving) as she watches Jen completely drape herself over Derek.

"And I just think it's _so cool_ that you're playing hockey, because you must've gotten lots of scholarship money for that, right? Because you're just _so good_ at it. I mean, you look so _tough_ out there on the ice against all those other guys!" Casey never noticed before how much she disliked Jen's simpering giggle.

After he gets a few drinks in him, Derek starts eating it up, and he's almost giggling along with her, and could he _be_ any closer to her? For someone who hates PDA, he sure doesn't mind _completely invading_ her personal space just to get a cheap compliment.

It's annoying, Casey thinks, because Jen's her _friend_. (Well, kind of. On paper they're friends, at least, and right now, that's what matters.) And Derek has this whole "You can't date my friends" stupid clause, and apparently it only goes one way. She dates Sam, and it's like the apocalypse, but him flirting obnoxiously with her friend is absolutely fine? Bull.

When she found out he was dating Emily, it didn't bother her. (Actually, there was this gnawing pain in her gut that never quite went away, but she learned to ignore it.) Mostly because it was _Emily_, and there was no way that would last. There was a reason why Derek waited for eighteen years to ask her out, and it wasn't because he was secretly terrified of his feelings, or however Emily justified it.

But this? This felt different. And that gnawing pain in her gut intensified and it was all so _stupid_ because it's not like he was technically doing anything wrong, and it's not like it _should_ bother her because Jen wasn't even really a friend.

When she leans in to kiss him, Casey turns around and walks away before she can see their lips meet. It was so fucking unfair.

(The double standard was unfair, that is. The one where he can date her friends but she can't date his. Because there's nothing else in that situation that was unfair, like the fact that he had taken _her_ there and then spent the whole night with _Jen_.)

(...Wait. What?)

---

She avoids him for a couple days. It's stupid and childish and he tries to call her a few times, but she just can't look at him or talk to him right now. Rebecca and Luke comment that she's sure spending a lot of time in the room lately, and she knows it's a hint for her to get out, but she smiles and says she just needs her own bed for awhile. It's on the brink of bitchy, but it's her room, too, and it's not like she's got anywhere else she wants to go right then.

Finals are starting up soon (as in a month and a half, and how did she put off studying until so late?), so she starts going back to the library. She takes up an entire table meant to seat six and works furiously on her Casey Condensation Technique.

And she doesn't like to admit it, but she sometimes takes a second just to miss him teasing her, of all things. At least that was talking, that was interacting, that was...that was _them_.

Whatever that was.

---

He finds her, of course.

It's been two weeks since the party and she's in the library per usual, and she glares at him as he sits sloppily in a chair across from her, making some of her papers fly out of their neatly organized piles.

"Can I help you?" she snaps, reorganizing her papers and snatching them away before he can do anything else to them.

"Hello to you, too," he says, looking over her study space. "I knew I should've bought stock in the paper business, you would've paid for my entire tuition."

She recognizes his mindless chatter as an olive branch, but she's not buying it. "I've got a lot of work to do here, so if you don't mind..."

"Oh, I don't," he says. "But do you think maybe you could take a five second break to call up your family? They're pretty convinced that you're on drugs or something from your e-mails."

"I've been busy," she says simply.

He leans forward, putting his elbows on some of her work. "Casey," he says, looking at her. She looks back at him and hates the way her stomach turns (It's from anger. Right?). "They're _worried_, and they keep nagging me about you. They're supposed to be worried about me doing stupid stuff at university, not you. I think you can give them a phone call."

She narrows her eyes. He's right, but she's not going to let him know it. "So that's the only reason you're here?" she says, going back to her notecards. "Just because Mom and George told you?"

He looks at her with an expression she's only seen on his face once before, although she can't quite place when. "Yeah, that's it."

He keeps looking at her with that _look_ (where has she seen it before? That's going to bug her), and she starts to get uncomfortable, when a guy comes up to their table.

"Hey, D!" he says at a volume a little too loud for the library. "What are you doing in the _library_, man? I didn't think you knew this place existed!"

"Nothing," Derek says, shifting uncomfortably. Oh, what, was he _embarrassed_ to be seen with her now? After that ridiculous show he put on at the party?

The guy turns to Casey, and nods knowingly. "I get it. I gotcha, man," he says. He winks at her.

"What? No, no, no..." Derek starts to protest, but Casey cuts him off with, "No, I'm Casey, his sister?"

"Oh!" says the guy, and he's looking at her with a little bit more interest now and she knows it, but she can't pay too much attention to it because Derek's looking at her with a mixture of anger and...hurt?

"Step," he says quietly.

"What?" says the guy.

There's this moment, where he's just staring at her as if he's never quite seen her before, and she's staring back at him like it would take the end of the world to get her to look away, and she realizes for the first time that she's actually hurt him a little.

She opens her mouth to apologize, but then the guy says, "So, anyway, _Casey_, I'm Aaron, and if you ever, you know, want to go out or something, there's this party..."

"Gotta go," Derek interrupts, and he nearly knocks over his chair in his rush to get out of there.

For someone who she fights with on a daily basis, he really hates serious confrontations sometimes. And it suddenly made her so fucking angry that he could flirt openly with her friend, despite the rules that they made (and never talked about), and then still make her feel like the bad guy.

"Have fun with Jen," she snaps before she can help it.

His back is already turned, and he stops when he hears her. He turns and walks back to her seat, traps her in with his arms, and gets right in her face, even closer than he was with Jen at the party. "What makes you think I want _Jen_?" he almost growls, his voice at a dangerous level and his breath warm on her face.

Her eyes narrow. "You seemed pretty comfortable with her at the party." She's never backed down from him before this, and she knows he won't hurt her, but she would give anything to be far away from him right now.

"That's not...even..."

He trails off, and they exchange a heated gaze (he looks at her lips. Again. And...oh, God, now she's looking at his, too) before he stomps off again. This time, he doesn't turn around.

Casey stays frozen in her seat for a second, trying to get her breathing back to normal.

"You guys are kind of weird for siblings," says the guy. Aaron. He was still there?

"I have to go," she says, shoving all of her stuff in her bag and running off in the opposite direction.

She's halfway home when she realizes where she's seen that expression on his face earlier, the one he gave her when she asked if he was only there because of his dad and her mom nagging him.

(It was in a kitchen, late at night after everyone else has gone to bed, and she joins him. She's not wearing any makeup, and his hair's a bigger mess than usual. There's talk about classes and the future and going to the same university. She calls him her brother, and he corrects her with "step-brother", and she says, "same difference." That's when he gives her the look. The look that says she knows better than that, and even though it's not said out loud, it's _never_ said out loud, they both know the truth.)

---

(Here it is, plain and simple: they know exactly how to hurt each other. That's what makes it so damn hard.)

---

A/N: Again, this was supposed to be two parts, and I had it all planned out, but then this story took a whole new angsty direction, and it's not like I could just leave it like this. I blame it on stress!


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Changes (Part 3/?)  
Rating: PG-13 - R (language, suggestive situations including stepsiblings, nothing graphic)  
Summary: Where "Futuritis" left off.  
Disclaimer: Life With Derek sadly enough doesn't belong to me, sorry.  
Author's note: **SPOILERS FOR THE SERIES FINALE AND THE END OF SEASON 4 OF LIFE WITH DEREK.**

I suck for not updating. Also, I have the best reviewers in the world :) Thanks for being so understanding and putting up with my terrible updating.

---

Exams come and go. Casey freaks out, but she comes out of all of them feeling like she's already made the Dean's List. Jake, Rebecca, and Luke are all exhausted, too, and they all go out for drinks the night after their last final at the local bar.

It's _fun_, she realizes. This is what complete, total fun is, laughing at some story Luke's telling while sipping her second beer, and it's so _easy_.

And, here's something she should know by now: whenever she's at one of her high points, Derek comes from out of nowhere (literally, nowhere – how long had he _been_ there?) to ruin it.

"We're leaving at one tomorrow. Meet me at the parking garage, and if you pack too much stuff, I'm throwing it out the car when we leave," he says.

In the next second, he's gone.

"Man of few words," Rebecca comments.

"And even fewer brain cells," Casey adds, the small jab almost automatic. But really, she's looking out at the crowd to see where he went, thinking, _That's it_?

"Did you want more?"

Casey whirls to look at Jake, and it takes her a second to realize that he wasn't responding to her inner thoughts, but is actually holding up the pitcher of beer, offering her a refill.

"Yeah," she says, faintly, then, "No. No! I don't want more! Everything's fine the way it is, this is the way it was _supposed_ to be! Why would I want anything more than _that_?"

She's breathing heavily after her little rant, and she finds herself looking at three pairs of very wide eyes. There's a very awkward pause as she once again realizes that they're talking about two very different things.

"Yeah, I think she's had enough," Luke says, slowly edging her mug away from her.

"Oh, yeah," Rebecca agrees. "You OK, Casey? Finals are _over_, remember."

"Yeah," she says. She takes a couple deep breaths and then looks up with a bright smile, and says, "Yeah! Finals are over! Sorry about that, must just be the lack of sleep getting to me." She raises her mug and they all clink it somewhat warily, but things pick back up pretty quickly and all Casey's thinking in her mind is _Shit shit shit_...

---

She's _nervous_, she realizes as she waits by The Prince in the parking garage, her luggage in tow. She's tapping her foot to get some sort of anxious energy out of her and looks at her watch. 1:15. He's late, of course, and every minute that passes that he doesn't show up, she gets more and more..._nervous_. Which was stupid, really, because...because. _Because_!

She's just about to call him at 1:27 when he shows up. He looks up at her once, pops the trunk, shoves his stuff in, and says, "Let's go."

...Wait.

"That's _it_?" she says, her voice indignant. She throws her suitcases in the back and gets into the passenger seat, slamming the door shut behind her. "You show up nearly a half hour late and I don't even get a shadow of an explanation? I mean, I wasn't expecting an apology, but something like, 'I got caught up' might've been nice."

(Sometime in between him showing up and him getting in the car, all of that anxiety went away, and it was replaced with the familiar annoyance. She didn't know she actually liked it better.)

"Have you _met_ me?" Derek says, his voice more tired than incredulous.

"It would've been _nice_, that's all."

"And I'm not _nice_, so I have no idea why you would even _remotely_ expect--"

"Ooh, the word 'remote', and not even in the context of a television set."

"I said remote_ly_, and guess what? I even know it's an _adjective_."

"It's an _adverb_, you idiot! It modifies a—"

She cuts off, and looks at him strangely as he drives. The abrupt silence catches him and he looks back at her. "What?"

They have one of those moments that she knows they have, and she's pretty sure he knows they have, where they're just staring at each other as if trying to figure the other one out. Most of the time it's in a "How can they be so _stupid_?" kind of way, but this...was different.

"Nothing," she says, and determinedly looks back at the road. She can feel him looking at her for a while more, and she silently yells at him to _look at the road_ (she doesn't want to get in an accident, nothing more), and then he does.

Silence.

She doesn't like it. It gives her too much time to think. Like about how they can go from giving each other the silent treatment for weeks to bickering like they always used to so _easily_. It shouldn't be that easy.

"A verb," she says suddenly.

"What?"

"An adverb modifies a verb. An adjective modifies a noun. So since 'remotely' is modifying 'expect', the verb, that makes it an adverb."

She can feel him looking at her again, and she almost returns it, but he looks back at the road and says, "The semester's _over_, Case."

She grins. Just a little.

---

They stop in Toronto for gas. He pulls up to the pumps and moves to get out.

"I'll do it," she says, unbuckling her seat belt.

"No way," he says. "You always get premium grade."

"It's better for the engine!" she insists.

"Do I look like I'm made of money?"

"Just think of how much you'd be saving in maintenance!"

"It's the _Prince_, Case, I think it can handle cheap gas." He opens the door and a cold breeze flows in. He squints and pushes through it, and Casey sits back in her seat and huffs.

It's a few minutes before she looks outside and sees him blowing air into his cupped hands. His _hands_? No _gloves_, even? In Canada during the winter? How insanely stupid can he--

She cuts off her line of thinking when he hunches his shoulders against the wind and shoves his hands into his pockets. She sighs and rolls down her window.

"Derek--"

"Casey, I already set it up, I'm _not getting premium--_"

He shuts up when he sees her hand her gloves to him. "I'm fine," he says stubbornly.

"Take them. I'm cold and I want to roll the window up, and if you don't take them, I'm going to just drop them here in the snow, and then they're going to be all wet and you're going to have to hear about it _all the way_ back --"

"Fine!" he says, snatching them out of her hands. She rolls her window back up with a satisfied smirk on her face.

He tries to give them back to her when he gets back in, complaining about how girly they are, and she refuses, saying that she has an extra pair in her purse if she needs them. He kind of almost gives her a grateful look (it _was_ cold outside) and mutters "Thanks" under his breath. It's enough to make lying about having an extra pair worth it.

---

"How's Kevin?" she asks when they're nearly home.

"He's uh...you know. Good, I guess."

"I'll bet he's glad he didn't have to see me every day in your room during finals week," she says without thinking.

"No, he, um..." he trails off for a second. "He said he...kind of missed you."

She looks at him, eyebrows raised and kind of disbelieving. "Really."

"Yeah. Apparently all your craziness entertained him, or something."

"Oh. Well...I guess I kind of missed him, too."

"Yeah?" His voice sounds almost _serious_, and she notices that he seems very focused on the road.

"Yeah," she says. "I mean, it was...nice, studying there. For awhile."

"Yeah."

"...Yeah."

(Has her vocabulary always been this pathetic?)

"Derek..." she starts to say (and, oh God, what exactly does she want to say here?).

"We're here," he cuts her off, pulling into the familiar driveway. She can hear Marti screaming already, and it brings a smile to her face.

She gets tackled as soon as she opens the car door and there's about five minutes of hugging just on the driveway before Derek calls a time out and runs inside.

It's _different_, Casey realizes. Her family's the same, and she's the same, but she's grown up, and something feels...a little off.

It isn't until she looks at Derek during dinner and he looks back at her that she realizes he's thinking the same thing.

---

The first thing Casey thinks when she opens the front door and sees Emily is, Really? Liquid eyeliner for movie night? Is that _necessary_? And after about five minutes of crazy excited hugging, when Emily needs to go to the bathroom to "freshen up", Casey widens her eyes, and runs upstairs.

She breaks into Derek's room without knocking (because that's just something she _did_) and says, "Emily's here."

His eyes widen a little. "That warning would've been a little more useful, say, an_ hour _ago. Maybe _before_ the doorbell rang."

"Look, I don't even know if you wanted to see her or not, but --"

"I'm outta here," he says, grabbing his coat. "Where is she?"

"Bathroom."

"Got it."

He turns at his doorway and gives her a small, grateful look before running off.

(Sometimes Derek didn't need to say thanks. She's learned to read him so well that, sometimes, a lot of things didn't need to be said.)

---

(Oh, and Emily? Just wanted to show Derek that she had definitely, for sure, _moved on_. This was followed by three hours of Casey looking at photos of her and her new boyfriend, and Casey didn't even feel ready to re-enter the dating world. Had Truman really meant more to her than Derek did to Emily?)

---

For Christmas, she gets him an autographed picture of his favorite hockey player. She had sent away from it months ago when he maybe happened to mention it and she maybe happened to actually listen and retain the player's name in her memory. He _beams_ when he sees it and she actually feels kind of light all over. He even thanks her without a hint of sarcasm. "It really is a Christmas miracle," she says back sarcastically.

He rolls his eyes. "Well, then, here's another miracle." He tosses her a package. "I actually picked your gift out this year."

She freezes and looks around. "No one helped him?" They all shake their heads, but look warily at the lumpy package on her lap. "Then this isn't a miracle, this is a potential--"

She's about to say "_disaster_", but one look at his expectant face makes her eat her words and say, "--good change of heart?"

He smirks. "I didn't find something that looked like that _anywhere_ when I was sneaking around in Smerek's room," Marti says.

"That's because I hid it extra well, Smarti. I know you peek."

"I do not!" She definitely does and every single person in the room knows it, but before anyone can argue, she's saying, "Open it, Casey!"

"Yeah, let's see what Derek came up with," Edwin says.

"All right," she says, a little wary. She looks at him and he's doing that thing where he's trying to look nonchalant, but is trying to read her expression.

(Like that one time he gave her a prom dress..._just open the package_! she yells at herself.)

And...it's not a disaster. It's not a prank (she doesn't think). It's...a pair of _gloves._ Beautiful, pink knitted gloves, and not the cheap kind that you buy at the drugstore for a dollar, but thick, fluffy ones that are soft when she runs her fingers down them, her mouth open in a little "O".

"Wow."

She looks up at him, and he's looking expectantly back at her, and does he even look a little _nervous_? She forgets how to speak for just a second, then bursts out with, "I _love_ them!"

His face breaks into a relieved grin. "I figured, you know, because I stole your other pair on the trip up..."

"They're beautiful," she says, admiring them. "Thanks, Der."

They smile stupidly at each other for the briefest of seconds before Edwin says, "Yeah, but what's the prank?"

(Oh, yeah. The rest of the family was still there.)

"No prank, Edweirdo. Just some good old fashioned Christmas spirit."

"I'm surprised," George says. "Good surprised. In fact, that's Christmas present enough for me, to see you two getting along."

"Good, because I didn't have time to pick you up anything," Derek says, grinning.

Marti breaks into her next present, and all the attention's taken away from her, and Casey absentmindedly strokes the gloves. She glances at Derek and gives him an affectionate smile. He rolls his eyes at her, but grins back a little before he's pounced on by Marti.

(_Maybe he's not such a bad guy after all_. Wait, when has she said _that_ before?)

---

"We miss you guys when you're away," Lizzie tells Casey as they snuggle together on her bed late one night. Lizzie starts school again tomorrow, which means Casey only has a week left until she goes back, and suddenly, it doesn't feel much like winter vacation any more.

"We miss you, too," Casey says, snuggling a little closer.

"Is it different at college?"

"Yeah," Casey says. "It's...it's like a whole different world. Because you're out on your own, whether you're ready to be or not, and you're facing new people and challenges every day. And sometimes you rethink things that you thought you knew. And sometimes, the way you feel about things can change."

"Don't listen to her, Lizzie," Derek says loudly outside her door. "College is all about partying. Anyone who tells you different is doing it wrong."

"_Der-ek_!"

"Casey, I need my binder back, I think it got mixed in with your stuff."

"You do _not_ need a _binder_ right this second."

"Yeah, I do." He opens her door (without knocking – well, at least _that_ goes two ways) and starts looking on her shelf.

She glares at him until he finds what he's looking for and leaves without sparing her a second glance.

"Don't worry, Liz. Sometimes things _never_ change."

Lizzie rolls her eyes. "Right, Casey."

Casey frowns. "What?"

Lizzie gives her this _look_. Lizzie is constantly giving her looks, but this one is her patented, "Don't give me that bullshit" look. The one that makes Casey eventually admit that she was wrong.

There's this twisting pain in her stomach, and she changes the subject quickly and they talk until Lizzie falls asleep an hour later.

(Maybe, maybe if Casey were a little more daring, a little more..._dangerous_, she would've asked Lizzie how she _knew_ all this stuff about her before she even knew it herself.)

---

A week later, there are goodbyes that aren't as hard to give as the ones last fall. It's all a blur and Casey remembers tears, but she's not sure whose they are. When her arms ache from hugging, they eventually get outside and Derek starts up the car. They all wave furiously as they leave.

"Don't start crying in here," he warns her as they get to the end of the block.

"I won't," she says, her voice confident. He looks over at her doubtfully. "I'm _not_!"

"Well," he says. "That's...different."

She crosses her arms on her chest and lets out an indignant _huff_ through her mouth, and she can _feel_ him smirking next to her.

"Oh, by the way," he says, _completely_ casually, "Truman called me."

He's lucky he was driving, because if Casey had been behind the wheel, that statement would've been followed by a theatrical slamming of the brakes, which means the car behind them probably would've crashed into them and then Derek would _murder_ her because for the piece of junk that the Prince was, it was _still_...

"_What_?!" she exclaims when she gets her mind back on track.

"Yeah, about two weeks ago. He said you weren't returning his calls."

"He...I blocked his number. He called you _two weeks ago_ and you tell me _now_?"

"_You_ actually figured out how to block someone's number?"

"_Der-ek_! Why didn't you tell me?"

"_Because_, then you would've been whining about him all break and I didn't want to hear it."

"How _sensitive_ of you." She really, _really_ didn't want the next words out of her mouth to be: "What'd he want?", but of course, they were.

"He kept babbling on about how he never got a chance to explain himself, and how he was in town and wanted to see you, but you were ignoring his calls...God, he sounded like such a _girl_."

"He wanted to see me?" she asks, then cringes when she hears how pathetic she sounds.

He sighs. "Yeah. Just another reason why I didn't tell you until we left." There's a slight pause, and she looks over at him, and he tries his best to look nonchalant as he asks her, "So, would you have?"

Blink. "What?"

"Met up with him. You know, if I had been the perfect brother and told you."

"Step. And...no."

"Good," he says quickly. "I mean, he used the word '_closure_'. Even _you_ have enough self-respect not to chase after a guy who says stupid stuff like that."

She snorts, and he grins. (Her fingers are gripping the armrest more tightly now, completely unconsciously.)

---

OK, so she doesn't really know whose fault it is. Maybe it's Derek's for not getting enough sleep last night, or for handing her the keys at a gas station and telling her to drive so he can nap ("_And can you get us there _before_ midnight, maybe_?"). Maybe it's hers for over-analyzing _everything_, and letting her thoughts about closure and Truman take over her mind. Maybe it's the map's fault for falling out of the glove compartment when Derek kicks it in his sleep, and it just happens to fall open at her feet.

But when she sees the sign for the turnoff for Queens University, and sees that Derek's still asleep, something in her clicks on, and she keeps driving.

---


End file.
